Welcome to Six Sentence Saturday.Where I try to express my thoughts on recent reads using only 6 sentences!!!!.
At the end of each review I will post a
rating scale of 1-5 using the cute and original (lol) Playing Cards.
Rating scale will be as follows:
At the end of each review I will post a
rating scale of 1-5 using the cute and original (lol) Playing Cards.
Rating scale will be as follows:
5 of Hearts- You must read this book NOW!!
4 of Hearts- A great read, put it on your TBR list.
3 of Hearts- Happy that I read it...a good read.
2 of Hearts- Just O.K but nothing to write home about.
Joker Card - Don't bother (why did I?)
Time of My Life by Allison Winn ScotchJillian thinks her life is falling apart at the seams, her husband is boring and never home, and she just can't be the mother-of-the-year. While getting a massage she's ruminating on her past life and old flame Jack, and the next thing she knows...it's seven years in the past! What would you do if you could go back and change history? Jillian thinks she can make her future turn out differently because she has prior knowledge, but little does she know that she's not really in charge of her destiny. This was a great read that had substance...this is not some fluffy chick-lit book. If you could change your past would you???
My Rating:
This is the story of Kristen's experience with adoption of a child who suffers from Reactive Attachment Disorder/and multiple bonding issues and the traumatic decision to disrupt the adoption after four years. Many people think that love is all a child needs, but that is not true. I know...I lived Kristen's life for 5 years...and it was life altering and not in a good way. Change a few details...their adopted daughter was 2, mine was 12 and I could have lived her life. I know what it's like to be attacked physically, to have someone actively seek out strangers for comfort, to worry about the safety of your children, to have to constantly monitor the sexual acting out, the lies, the manipulation. I understand the hell her biological children suffered..I understood her and walked away from this book realizing that what happened in my life and my feelings in regards to my experience are validated. I've worked hard to get past the judgment others may want to place on my husband and me. You may judge us if you have walked in our footsteps...if you haven't then I suggest you read this book.
My Rating:
* I want to thank Lynne and Dar for being there to listen and to not judge. I was scared to post about this book and to share this part of my life online, but maybe letting others know about my experience and how much I identified with the author will help someone else who has had their world turned upside down with adoption of a child who suffers from RAD and other bonding related issues.
I've taught a child with RAD. I was only working part time, so only had him 12 - 18 hours a week and I know how hard that was. I have the utmost respect for anyone who has had a child suffering from this disorder in their lives. It's an incredible thing that you did and you should hold your head high for trying where most people would've turned their back,from the start. Great reviews, I'm adding both to my TBR list.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you have had to deal with judgment from other people. Ignorance fuels hatred and misunderstanding. I hope that people will read this book and understand what it is like.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, I have put both of these books on my TBR list thanks to you. :)
Sorry you had to go through such an experience. It seems with children your damned if you do damned if you dont. No matter what the issue is.
ReplyDeleteYou are very brave for incorporating your story into your review.
Great review, and i hope one day I can ge around to reading it. At the moment I am only working through my Mt TBR no more new books! except for no-fiction. They dont count right?
There are some things I would love to change about my past, but in so doing they would also alter some of the things that make my life full.
ReplyDeleteDisrupting Grace sounds like a very intense and emotional book and I applaud your ability to share your own insights. While I may not know what this is like from your point of view, as a teacher I have run across children who not matter how hard you try remain unreachable and that carries a lot of guilt for me. Great reviews.
Both of these are on my wishlist Staci but your heartfelt review of Disrupting Grace really touched me.
ReplyDeleteI understand your apprehension about sharing your personal experience online but what I've learned from all our compassionate bloggy friends is that if sharing your story touches or helps just one person then it's worth being brave and putting yourself out there. It takes courage to make a decision in the best interests of everyone in your family and that deserves love and support not judgement. Loving {{hugs}} Sheree
How could anyone judge you on such a heart wrenching part of your life? I feel so sorry for any pain you and your family have suffered. Thank you for opening up your heart to us. I can't even begin to imagine what you went through.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could give you a big hug right now.
Staci, Wow, I'm blown away by your review of Disrupting Grace. Sounds like you found the right book at the right time. I'm so glad it could validate your decision. And how could someone judge you?!! You have my utmost admiration ((hugs)). I hope someone who needs to read this book AND your thoughts will find your blog.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'm sitting in the lobby of a hotel waiting for my son's basketball game and I'm tearing up while I read this. Even though you shared your story with me, it's even more powerful to read your review of Disrupting Grace because I know it took courage to put yourself out there and share your story with everyone.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I could be there for you, Staci :)
P.S. Oh my gosh, I forgot until you mentioned it about the sexual acting out these kids do! One of many things I don't miss about working in Child Psych.
I've never heard of RAD, but I have heard of adoptions that didn't work. I can't imagine anyone judging someone for trying to adopt a child with special needs. Maybe it's because our media makes it look like all a child needs is love, and we all should know that's not always true. Kudos to you for a wonderful, heartfelt review.
ReplyDeleteStaci...thank you so much for feeling comfortable enough to share your very personal story as it relates to Disrupting Grace.
ReplyDeleteIt takes special people to do what you did, and I admire both of you for your decision. HUGS :)
My heart aches for what you went through and may still have to deal with from your experience. I honor your courage to share it with us. I have a friend that deals with this issue on a smaller level, but just as difficult. I will recommend this book to her if she hasn't already read it.
ReplyDeleteI never heard of RAD either. Thank you so much for sharing your experience; that took so much courage, and it really emphasizes that this is a book we all need to read!
ReplyDeleteSounds as if you could write your own book on this subject, Staci. I didn't know the disorder had an official name but I know that many adoptive parents have had to deal with children with major problems such as this one. Thanks for telling us about it.
ReplyDeleteBeing on the opposite end of adoption.....I have always wondered if Mark's family have regretted (not saying it aloud, of course)....ever "taking" him......one of the things that still lay on my mind almost 21 years later...and I still feel the guilt all these years later....especially since he could have come met me anytime in the last 4 years and hasn't....so that book would probably be really hard for me to read....that first one though....lol lol lol lol .... that I would loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....so many things that i would love to change! :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)
ReplyDeleteStaci, I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes and wishing I could just hug you to pieces right now. I feel really honored that you trusted us enough to share your experience. And, I think that sometimes sharing and perhaps easing the burden of someone else through empathetic understanding is one of the few silver linings that come from devastating experiences.
ReplyDeleteI am an adopted child and my brother and sister are adopted. It is a complicated thing, even when things go well. Even when attachments are made and bonding is complete. I feel that I need to read this book, but think I will wait until my summer of emotions is past.
Some people will always feel that they have the right to judge, regardless of the circumstance. They don't. Again, I am honored that you shared.
I had no idea that you experienced this in life! I had not even heard of this condition until two years ago when a colleague shared a similar story with her adopted adolescent. I think they tried for three years to make it work, but when the safety for the other members of the family was constantly an issue, she had to make a very difficult decision.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure that I could read Saving Grace at this point in my life, but I am highly interested in Time of My Life.
Oh, my, what a review and what a wonderful thing to read your own experiences.
ReplyDeleteA child with Reactive Attachment Disorder is THE MOST DIFFICULT kind of child, and love has little to do with helping a child with this disorder. Not having bonded with anyone in the formative years, nothing seems to reach them. I have worked with families with these kinds of children, and the frustration and angst are overwhelming.
I get the chills when I think about these kids! They're in an awful place, like a purgatory, and those who try to help them also go there.
Thanks for sharing, and hopefully you have accepted that you did all you could. There was nothing else you could have done.
I appreciate that you included your experiences along with those this book brought out and I'm so glad you decided to share such a personal event in your life with us. Adoption under the best circumstances is a tricky ride and when you throw in RAD and other issues, it is even more complicated. I applaud you for even putting yourself out there and making the choice to adopt and I'm proud of you for being the caring and wonderful person I've come to know that you are. I'm also glad you had Lynne and Dar to help you through deciding whether or not to open yourself up. Books like this need publicity and you are helping to spread the word. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful, heartfelt review of Disrupting Grace, Staci. I'm sorry your family had to live through such as difficult situation, and then face judgement from those is no position to be passing it!
ReplyDeleteI haven't heard of RAD before either. It sounds like it would be a complete disruption to normal life for everyone involved. I'm sorry you were hurt by both that experience and the judgemental people who added to your pain. You're only going to get a big virtual hug from me. I admire your courage in not only telling us about your experience, but also for doing the right thing for everyone involved.
ReplyDeleteStacie,
ReplyDeleteWho should judge? I too had tears in my eyes reading your post and your obviously painful words that show a window to your soul and your personal arduous journey. You are a brave and beautiful person to be able to share such an emotional part of your life. The review is spectacular. ((HUGS)) for all the suffering you endured.
Wisteria
Stacie, what an heartfelt review! I'm sorry you had to go through such difficult moments, and especially that you had to endure judgement on top of that. It's so easy for people to judge when you're outside the situation!
ReplyDeleteI'm moved by your experiences with adoption and RAD. I can only imagine what you and your family have gone through.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear about what you had to go through and to know that other people have been judgmental. I'm definitely adding this one to my tbr list. It's so hard to see kids in orphanages or the foster care system and so easy to think that all they need is a loving home. But people do need to know that they come with a lot of baggage that most of us are not equipped to handle nor should we be expected to put our family's life in danger. Sending hugs your way.
ReplyDeleteYou are a brave, wonderful lady, Staci! I'm sorry that you've had to deal with the judgment of others. That had to be so painful, and you and your family were already dealing with an unbelievably painful situation. *hugs my sweet friend* And thank you, Staci, for sharing...who knows how many people you might help with both your story and your review of what sounds like a powerful book.
ReplyDeletePeople are so quick to point fingers, aren't they? I'm sorry you and your family had to go through something so painful, Staci :( And I'm glad you were able to find solace in this book.
ReplyDeleteThese both sound like great books, Staci.
ReplyDeleteIn regards to Time of My Life, I am not sure I would want to change my past even if I could. I am who I am because of the experiences I have had. To change them, would change who I am and where I am in life now.
Thank you for sharing your personal story regarding Disrupting Grace. I know it couldn't have been easy. I work in a profession that sometimes involves children like this. They are extremely difficult to raise. You can only give so much of yourself. You can love them up and down and sideways, but that love can only go so far. My heart goes out to you, Staci.
I've wanted to read the first book since I saw the cover. I don't think I'd want to change anything. Make your choices and live with them in the best way possible. Friends and family will still love you. Which leads to the second book.
ReplyDeleteI've never heard of this condition, but can only imagine how heartbreaking it must be for the family. I am so glad that this book may have helped you overcome any guilt you may still feel. You tried and that is more than most of us can say. Good for you :)
First, Time of My Life is definitely one that I want to read. I believe that I have a copy on my TBR shelves.
ReplyDeleteStaci, I've read about RAD and it sounds like such a challenging and heartbreaking experience. I can only imagine the pain that these children are going through and the pain you went through as parents. Nobody has the right to judge unless they have walked in your shoes and still, nobody understands exactly what you have gone through. I understand that to some degree in dealing with some issues with my own son. It is heartbreaking when you are judged as parents without a full understanding of what is going on in a child or families lives. Kudos to you for sharing your story and I am sure that it will help others who are going through this.
I adopted 3 older children, none of them with any issues other than the normal ones that go with being adopted, and it was quite the challenge. I can only begin to imagine what you went through.
ReplyDeleteStaci, I think putting yourself and your family's experience out there is a brave thing. I imagine there are many family's who have gone through what you have and they need to know they are not alone. Unfortunately some children are broken and unreachable. It's very sad for all involved. I will be putting Disrupting Grace on my wish list. I applaud you for sharing your experience! I think this is a story that needs to be told!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you had to deal with that kind of situation plus judgemental other people. You never know until you walk in someone's shoes. You never cease to amaze me Staci. Thank you for sharing becuase I know houw tough that must have been for you.
ReplyDeleteAlso glad that your experience has been validated, because whether you want to or not, you may always second guess your decision. There's nothing wrong with that. We are human after all. {{hugs}} my brave sister.
I find it ridiculous when others judge people without first knowing all the facts, and second without even experiencing similar situations. I'm sorry that you had to go through that...sounds like a very trying time, and I'm sure that your decisions were the best ones you could make.
ReplyDeletethese both sound wonderful! I always love how you get to the heart of the book in a few short sentences.
ReplyDeleteI'm always there to listen my friend. My heart was just pounding reading your review and feeling your pain again. I'm glad you decided to share. I said this before but nobody can judge what others do unless they've lived it. What works for some doesn't for others. Besides that your friends should always support, offer opinions, but never judge. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story. That was very brave. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteWow. Interesting how the two books interconnect.
ReplyDeleteTime of My Life - I did think this was some "fluffy chick-lit book" and dismissed it. Thanks for pointing out that it isn't.
Disrupting Grace - Oh my, Staci. My heart goes out to you. I have a friend who has gone through this experience as well, so I witnessed much grief throughout the entire process. I hope you have come to a place of healing and can rejoice in living freely again.
Sharing such a deep and personal aspect of your life is truly admirable. I applaud you. The frustration and angst that many disorders can cause are unbearable at times. Judgment just adds to the mix, making life very difficult. May peace reign upon you.
Staci, thanks for drawing my attention to these reviews, which I hadn't read yet (I'm so behind on my blog reading again). I've never heard of RAD before, but it sounds like a really hard thing to deal with. I'm sorry to hear you had to deal with judgement from others on top of it all. Disrupting Grace sounds like an amazing book; I'm glad you shared your experience with us in your review and were able to have your experience validated by reading this book.
ReplyDeleteI'm back after reading your vacation post and reread this post paying more attention to your comments on the second book. It sounds like you could write a book yourself . . . sometimes shared experiences are very helpful. I know I've read some books that really touched me because I had similar experiences. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you found a book you could relate your situation to so closely. :) Love ya.
ReplyDelete